Depending on what webpages you visit or what kind of profile the ad networks have constructed from your browsing behaviour, you may or may not have seen them already: the typical advertisements that seem to be targeted towards a very specific audience. The ads often involve scantily clad women and fantasy themes, and are often found on ICT-related webcomic pages. Hence I dare say the target group is of the ‘nerdy’ type. Just to give these things a name I call them ‘Nerd-ads,’ even though many of them may just be targeted towards any (male) audience.
This is a collection of such ads that I started noticing around the year 2008. Partially to make fun of them, and also as a kind of service to whomever would be doing any research on this, I collected them on a webpage. That page vanished from the internet around 2011 and I mostly forgot about it until I stumbled on the files on my disk at the end of 2019. No longer having to consider the dreaded bandwidth limitations from back then, I resurrected the page on my main site and added the few extra ads I had collected in the meantime.
Obviously this kind of ad must have existed before 2008, but it seemed as if they were really booming at that time. Anyhow, in many cases it is obvious that the girls showing their cleavage in these ads, only serve to make the inconspicuous web surfer click the ad, and that there are no girls in the game being advertised. And no girls means none of the boobs as promised in the ads. This has been confirmed by some brave people who actually clicked some of these ads and tried the games. So forget about the games, the best thing about these ads are the ads themselves. Enjoy!
In case anyone is wondering, reproducing these ads for purposes of parody and research, should be allowed under fair use laws. (No sane owner of any of these things should object anyway, because there is no such thing as negative publicity.)
I wonder if any sane woman would consider going into battle with this kind of ‘armour’. (2008/06)
Maybe she's always accompanied by the flying weirdo with the bow, as a substitute for the lack of armour.
Then again, if you're fighting men, this kind of ridiculous outfit may distract them long enough to approach them and bash them in the head with an axe.
If one would print this on a large billboard without the ‘Games’ part, people would probably think it is an advert for a brothel.
It seems they are trying to profit from the infamy of the Evony ads (see below), but they don't dare to show actual provocative content.
This game seems to have some kind of SM-theme to it. (2008/06)
Just look at this one, all that's missing is a whip.
But apparently the game also involves an ugly dude, and a beautiful woman performing a striptease.
Her eyes are almost bigger than her boobs. That's just freaky. (2008/07)
Whoops, eyeliner accident. (2008/08)
Boobs are not visible here but suggestion is a wonderful thing. (2008/09)
This ad looks like it escaped from the mid-nineties. Nevertheless, strategic hair placement. (2008/10)
I think this game was created by putting manga comics, furbies and pokémons in a blender, and boiling the resulting mix into a solid sludge. (2008/11)
This seems to suggest that everyone's favourite manga features boobs and short skirts, which is probably correct. (2008/11)
This one was made in the same way as ad7, but with as alternative ingredients: Tamagochi's, plush toys, and one metric tonne of artificial sweetener. (2008/11)
I would have gone for “Cutest cutesy cuddly game for sweet cuties”.
Dreaming of mirror may cause split personality disorder.
I think reaching this woman's boobs will prove more difficult than with the one from the first ad above. (2008/11)
So in a perfect world, girls have furry things sticking out of their head? Well, at least they have boobs. (2008/12)
Not as far as I know. (2008/12)
A MMORPG centred around rollerskates. And skimpy outfits. And boobs. (2009/02)
If you don't understand why this is extremely funny, see the Nerd-ad23 images below. (2009/12)
This outfit looks like it might have been more complete originally, but was given the scissors treatment after a meeting with the advertising managers. (2009/02)
I think this might actually be a boy. Or a girl with rather flat boobs.
People will probably click this ad in the hopes that they can “band together” with that girl. (2010/08)
I'd rather peel near the opposite corner of this image.
I will choose whoever is wearing the most revealing clothes. (2011/01)
OMG. This is just porn. (2009/03)
20MB only, that's an indication that none of these games actually contain the boobs from their ads. One can't fit decent boobs in only 20MB. (2009/03)
It took me some effort to capture the scrolling boobs, but eventually I managed to get the perfect boob-shot on this one.
I hope there's a slider ‘boob size’ when configuring your character in games like this. Like in ‘Weird Science’
Ether Saga. Transform yourself into some blurry fluffy purple mutant by huffing copious amounts of ether? (2009/04)
No download requirement. Just look at the girls in the ads, they aren't in the game anyway. (2009/05)
True, boobs always make me feel better. By the way, zipper cleavage! (2009/06)
OK, here we have it, the infamous Evony
ads. Mind the deep symbolism of the sword pointing at the cleavage. Someone dedicated an article
to this, but somehow I feel the last one shown there might be fake. (2009/06)
This is the stage where they replaced the CGI boobs from the previous ad with a real woman. I forgot to capture the ad where her boobs were more visible though.
Play now, with our boobs.
When I thought it couldn't get any worse, I saw this. (2009/07)
With such impressive cleavage, “journey” might be the appropriate description if anyone would want to do an exploration quest into those caverns indeed.
This is almost as much porn as ad17.
OK, I was wrong. This ad is real. This is getting preposterous! They must be trying to see how far they can go before massive complaints come rolling in. (2009/09)
This is an ‘evolution’ of ad23 where they ‘enhanced’ the cleavage rather noticeably. Or, it's just porn. Why don't they just zoom in on the boobs for their next ad? Come on Evony guys, I dare you. Just do it.
Owkayyyy, that was sooner than expected. I got this one even before I uploaded the previous comment. In case anyone doubts: no, I didn't crop a part out of a lingerie commercial and made it look like an evony ad. This is an actual screenshot. I believe the person responsible for these ads has simply lost his mind.
It just won't stop!
Remember, these are ads for a game similar to Sid Meyer's Civilization. There is no queen to save and the women in these ads have absolutely no relation to the game whatsoever. Here's my next dare to the Evony advertisers: full nudity. Go ahead, I'm waiting.
The only reason these ads still circulate is probably the existence of enough legal loopholes.
I'm halfway the alphabet now, if they continue like this I'll run out of letters.
I'm pretty certain they took this photo from a wedding dress catalog.
An actual pun in an Evony ad! I'm still waiting for the full nudity ad though. (2009/10)
As pointed out in other blogs, this ad seems to imply masturbation. (2009/11)
It seems that they either had to comply to some new regulation, or finally understood that associating their game with porn may not be the best advertising strategy. The new ads have a total lack of boobs. (2010/06)
OK, enough Evony pr0n. I think this, like the next two, is an ad for a webcomic. At least this one doesn't pretend anything. It just rubs it (or them) in your face. (2009/06)
Cheat code 1: type ‘BOOBS’. Repeat until something happens. If nothing happens, shout ‘BOOBS’ repeatedly. (2009/06)
This is almost a prototypical Nerd-ad. Some weird fantasy character, semi-gothic lettering, the eye of Sauron, and of course, boobs. (2009/06)
They seemed to make a new ad for this game every day. Each and every one with more semi-nudity. (2009/06)
How the hell does one ‘taste a weapon’? I can come up with only one interpretation of a ‘weapon’ that can be ‘tasted’, has to do with “next generations” and that shoots something. Eww.
This woman is also familiar with the ‘the less fighting ability you have, the more cleavage you should show’ strategy.
This one obviously has very little fighting skills.
Looks like Duke Nukem is joining in the action with his Big Gun. Look at where his night vision goggles are pointed. No wonder he's smiling. Shake it baby!
No collection of nerdy ads could be complete without Xena. (2009/06)
The only way this game can't get you caught at work, is if it does not contain any boobs. What a rip-off. (2009/07)
No boobs? OK, then you should start worrying. (2009/07)
I have some serious doubts this is how the ancient Greeks depicted the goddess Athena. (2009/07)
I also doubt whether Pokémon-style bunnies occurred in ancient Greek myths.
Rats need love too. (2009/07)
This one was very borderline in boob content, but the high nerdiness makes it suitable for this collection. (2009/07)
If everything else fails, summon lesbian porn. (2009/08)
Boobs on fire! BOOBS ON FIRE! (2009/08)
Insert lockpick joke here. (2009/09)
Build your own community consisting of Manga girls in school uniforms and weird fluffy outfits. Boy, I want to be part of that community. (2009/09)
At least something good has sprouted out of the Evony ads: a hilarious parody of those ads for the Plants vs. Zombies game. (2009/09)
The makers of these ads know their classics.
Most of the webcomic ads like these are served by Project Wonderful. I wonder how many webcomics with hot chicks they advertise for. (2009/09)
Maybe there's a bonus for managing to get the hockey puck into that cleavage. (2009/10)
This game may have a slightly higher chance of actually containing the girl from this ad, compared to the Evony case. (2009/11)
Yet, if the girl does occur in the game, her vest will probably not be unbuttoned. I'm not going to check it out, if it wasn't clear until now: I never even clicked any of these ads, let alone tried out any of these games, and I never will.
I'm starting to suspect that this is yet another member of a family of games which are basically all the same game, but with a different name and mostly different graphics. (2009/11)
The interaction most people are likely going to strive for here, is trying to remove the few pieces of clothing left on this woman. (2009/11)
The distinctive lack of boobs in this ad is greatly compensated for by the presence of a ridiculously short skirt. Does anyone even care what this game really is about? (2009/11)
Is that supposed to be armour? Or are steel bikinis the new fashion? (2010/01)
Well, at least the most important body parts are protected.
Either the game has changed its name, or the steel-bikini-wearing-woman-holding-a-tiny-supernova is featured in multiple games. Or none of course. (2010/06)
A realest and cruelest business game with the mostest boob content. (2010/02)
Do anything you want, except trying to find this woman in the game. (2010/08)
All these games are “free to play,” but they probably shove ads down your throat at an unstoppable rate. (2010/02)
Originally this was probably an all hairy beast with claws, but then the designers saw the Evony ads and said to themselves “Needs more boobs.” (2010/02)
Why have I never heard before of all those games that are the biggest and the most popular? (2010/03)
If even lesbian porn fails, summon bestialities. (2010/05)
The maker of this ad is a genius. He actually found a surefire way to make men look at the logo. (2010/06)
This ad was animated, with her bra emitting halos and flashes of light to direct the viewers' attention to the right places. (2010/06)
This ad requires no comment at all. (2010/06)
Sometimes I wonder if these aren't just ads for digital brothels, disguised as ads for games. (2010/06)
Mind how her ass actually sparkles.
Why didn't we ever see pictures like these during history class about the Roman empire? (2010/07)
I bet they really had difficulty resisting the urge to add two more letters to the last word of this game's name. (2010/10)
Another Evony ad spoof, for those who are into voxel pr0n. (2010/11)
The soccer boobs were actually pulsating in the animated version of this ad. (2011/03)
I'm not sure if I'm ‘Descret’ enough to look for boobs in what appears to be yet another Civilization clone. (2011/04)
I can guess what kind of strategy she uses to assassinate her targets, at least if they're men or lesbians. (2011/05)
Perfect for soft, uneven surfaces. Like the ones about one third from the top of the ad. (2011/05)
Regulars might recognise this as a brand frequently advertised for on the Ctrl-Alt-Del webcomic site. (2011/07)
It is funny how the Evony spoof ads still survive while the originals have vanished. (2011/08)
Big and bulging, that's how the Germans like it! (“Anmeldung” is German for “sign up.”) (2012/04)
It doesn't matter what language it is, “my hero” works every time. (2012/12)
A sword is not the right tool when you're having a back itch, girl. (2012/12)
This is a series of ads that started showing up around the middle of 2013. They are very much in the same style as the Evony ads, but I do not know whether there is any relation between Evony and Tynon. In fact, while I am reviving this collection from the grave at the end of 2019, it is hard to find much information about Tynon altogether. (2013/06)
They use the same “Free forever” slogan as Evony, and obviously the same ratio of uncovered versus covered skin, and average boob size as well.
Somewhere, someone must have a job that involves nothing but churning out this kind of images. I imagine someone like Art from Sequential Art…
Translation of the Dutch text: “Fantasy game for adults,” “warning: only for men,” “warning: if you start with this, your friends won't see you much anymore”. Seems like a lot of promises, but still I heavily doubt that this game contains any semi-nude woman at all. (2014/09)
Exactly the same warnings, but this looks to be a different game, which further makes me suspect that these are all rather generic clones of classic games with perhaps only a slightly daring splash screen.
This must be the umpteenth Civilization clone. It is difficult to tell because obviously as far as the ad goes, the voluptuous woman is more important than the actual game content. (2014/09)